Saturday, November 20, 2010

It's Coming to an End.

1 month to graduation!!

Has it really been 16 months? Time flew by so fast, especially in the last couple months.

We (38's), have been through so much! Emotional and physical changes. People leaving, friendships made, and friendships lost.

Am I really ready to graduate from school? Vancouver Film School has been like a second home. The people I went to school with are like my family.

Built trust with so many people.

I am afraid to graduate, cause it really means that I am on my own.

A quote from our teacher Andrew M. always stays in the back of my mind. Constantly:

"This is really happening... The time is now"

Holy shit! Sometimes I feel like I am prepared and ready to leave school. Start my career, a new beginning, a whole new perspective on life.

I remember coming to Vancouver, and thinking that I had it all mapped out. But now. Shit. I don't even know what my first step is going to be. I feel a little lost sometimes; and I am too chicken shit to ask anyone if they feel the same way. I am sure someone has got too. So many people in my class seem to have it all mapped out, and prepared.

Confidence... *sigh* Everyone says to "be confident in yourself". It's hard when on a daily bases, your taking hits from people... Hollywood Stars must be like a fucking front line.

No matter if I am ready or not. It's coming...graduation.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Living in Vancouver.

So, I arrived in Vancouver 4 months ago. Too bad I didn't keep up with everything that has happened. The things I have experienced, the things I have done... I am not the same person I once was. I have changed; for the better.

My faith in Jesus, for one, has been tested. However, never have I turned on him.

I live a life where, I have friends that I can trust. Friends that won't do any harm to me. Friends which I connected to on different levels for each person. My classmates and I look out for each other... If we need someone to talk to, they are there; not to judge.

Judging: Something I still do, but, who doesn't... I don't judge anymore to the extent I used to.

Wow... My first month of being in school with everyone. All of us still new to Vancouver, or to each other. This was my favourite school year, not going to lie. I learnt that everyone has a story, and that lots of people had either the same experiences of me, or have had a little more tragic past.

I learnt that, as a person, I am naturally an angry person. I had a lot of things that I was angry at, that I didn't know I was mad about. For one, our class project was to talk about something we really hate. Not like "Oh, I hate birds", or "Oh, I hate jerks". No, we had to talk about the one thing that we hate the most in the world. Something that either held us back, bothered us to the point of tears, or frustration.

I talked about my ADHD. That has carried on from childhood into adulthood. It's one of the most frustrating thing ever. I sat there for ten minutes and talked about it. Talked about the "feeling of no control". My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Some days, it's like I am watching my body from above, and not agreeing what is happening, but can't control. Those days are the worse.

However, being at this school, my sense of control has been better. I haven't been in trouble by a teacher in months, not told to "settle down" or "to be quiet". And that is something I had trouble with my whole life... With the authorities, family, teachers, etc.

I have many drunken stories, and not bad one's anymore. Sure, I blacked out once or twice. However, my friends didn't abandon me, like they have had done in the past. They stuck by me.

So, back to my schooling. They little things we do in class, the projects. As ridiculous as some of them may seem; or the ones I may not want to do... Are the ones that helped me grow into the better person I am today. The better actor, the better singer. The better public speaker.

Of coarse I can't sit here, and right about all the memories I have had. Because, they aren't so easy to recall at this moment. However, I could talk about they things I have noticed in myself, in the changes I have been through.

I am not a bar person anymore, like I once was. Yeah, i still drink, but I prefer it to be at home, or with a few people. On November 10th, 2009. I was at this pub by our school. "The Cambie". I went there with everyone in our class, cause we haven't been there in a long time. During my time being there, I was only there for 30 minutes, and had only 4 coolers. The next thing I know I wake up in drunk tank. The cops told me, that they found Rohypnol in my system. For those of you who don't know what Rohypnol is. It's also known as the date rape drug. Someone in the bar, drugged my drink. They released me early, on account that it wasn't my fault what happened to me.

After that experience, I have slowed down on my drinking, and just drank with my friends; at there place.

So, now it is the last week of school, and after everything that has happened, I am glad to have the people in life that I have. They are like my extended family. We are always there for each other. We tell what's on our minds, and have a great buddy system. It's going to be sad to leave the group we are in, and not seeing the people who are leaving Vancouver to go back home to do something else.

I give a best of luck to everyone, and wish only good happens in our lives.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Ready to Leave the Prairies

Moving across Western Canada, from Saskatchewan to Alberta, then from Alberta to British Columbia... People always ask me; How was I able to do this type of thing. Moving from everything you know, moving from a type of lifestyle I have lived for 18 years of my life.

I simply tell them,
"I look at what I want out of life...
And the things that I want are not found in Saskatchewan or Alberta... I don't fit in with the people in the Prairies of Canada."

My family, and people who know me best, know that I don't belong in the "prairie world". I have everything in Vancouver ready for me when I return for good in August. Hopefully, I will be able to find friends quickly within the first few months. I am a very social person, I need friends to be able to function properly. I live a life that matches the lifestyle of a Vancouverite.

I have the biggest itch ever, to start my new clean life, and learning to become someone I have always wanted to be. To make my dreams and goals in life, to come true.
To be with people:
"Who look like me, act like, who don't give a fuck like me."
~Eminem Song

It seems that as day and day pass, there is a little bit of sadness behind the happiness I feel... The little hint of sadness, is that how a felt when I left Saskatchewan for Alberta. The feeling that the people I met, the changes I had made are being left behind here, and I am just taking what I learnt, and bringing it with me.

The one thing that I have always been able to do better since I left Saskatchewan, is to care about myself, learn about myself... When I put myself first, I started to realize who I really am.
Moving from Saskatchewan taught me that I am way stronger than I thought I was. Moving to Vancouver, away from everything I now, taught me that, once again, I am stronger than I really am.

Being able to move away from family, friends, my life; in my mind benifits me... I will see everyone I knew from Saskatchewan and Alberta again. I think that is what helps in the end. Because, then we will be able to share different stories, expiriences, and have more fun than we would if we partied together every weekend.

I treasure my family and friends. Being apart from my family for a certain amount of time, will help me have more fun with them. I am not really a family person, I am more a friendship person. Spending a large amont of time with family, literally, drives me insane.
So, it's only just 24 days away, and then Vancouver, here I am.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Moving On Out

It has been a long time since I last wrote. It's spring Time Now!

Things are still going as planned... not letting to get anything in my way. Going back to Saskatchewan for a bit to say good bye to everyone before moving to Vancouver. Still looking for a place... Or should I say, START looking for a place. 

Right now, in my head, it's ALL about me. I don't really care how everyone's days are going, I don't care too much about what I used too. The career choice path I have chosen, will consume 90% of my time. 

Getting accepted into Vancouver Film School, and being the 2% that has been accepted; really opened my mind about certain things in my life. How fortunate I am to actually been given this opprotunity to pay tuition off fully, without worry of student loans. Having a nice place to stay, without worry of, "Will I be able to pay my rent on time?"

Things happened in my life, that of which, I couldn't understand at the time why it happened,  or how did that end up happening? 

As I mentioned before, I moved to Red Deer, AB to start a new beginning for myslef, get out of debt, sober up. I guess living here was sort of like a form of rehab. On May 20th, is my year anniversary of living in Red Deer, working for my sister. 

As I sit here typing, things rush through my head. I have moments of happiness, and moments of self doubt and sadness. Some even anger. 

I tend to worry alot... That worrying can sometimes backfire, and I don't get the confidence to really show my true potential. 

I, of course, when applied for Vancouver Film School, didn't really expect to get in (self doubt). However, I took the chance, sent my application and resume in; and got accepted. 

So, the things I learnt here in the last few months is self confidence, responsiblity, trust my myself, and the meaning of true friends. 

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Entering a new Chapter

It's been a while since I last wrote.. well it makes at least 5 months now... I had received some really good information.

For one, I am moving to Vancouver, British Columbia instead of moving back to Saskatchewan.
(To the right is Vancouver: Doesn't it resemble Manhattan?)

I got accepted into Vancouver Film School!

In this school I will be taught how to properly act, direct, write, or produce such things like Film and Television.
(Below is the acting building on campus)

It has always been a dream of mine. I knew I wasn't the same of the other people around me...

IN FACT, I was never the same. I was always the one kid to hate sports, and love the acting, singing... well, anything that had to do with entertaining, I was interested in.

Even when I was going through my little drug phase back in Sept. 2007 - May 2008. I was wanting to become someone famous, I wanted everyone to know my name, however, how was I going to do that living in Saskatchewan?

When I moved to Alberta, thinking, I was going to be attending to University for my Doctorate in Psychology; something in the back of my mind was telling me:

"Don't go to University of this, your not meant for normal... your meant for greater."

So, that is what happened, along back in January 2009, I got accepted into Vancouver Film School. This film school is.. well, expensive; why?

It's a private Film School. Top 5 World Wide!

The Stats on this school are: 45/2000 yearly... What this number means is out of 2000 applicants, only 45 people yearly will be accepted. That is 2% internationally; only 2% of applicants will be accepted into this school.

It makes me proud to say I was accepted into this school.

In my acceptance letter, and I quote:

"On day of Orientation, August 24th, 2009. The head of Acting, would like to have a meeting about your performance."

I guess the head of acting was very much interested and impressed with acting in my high school production: Godspell. (an expensive production). My High school, Rosthern Junior College, yet another Private School, was known; as I know Nationally: Top 20 Art Private High School's in Canada.

Rosthern Junior College (a.k.a. RJC) has really helped me figure things out, in this school, it not only helped me understand what it is like to have to rehearse day after day after day... But during the school days, we were taught how to control of voice... It helped me develop my voice and acting.

So, in June or July, I will be moving to Vancouver to begin my next chapter in life. Hopefully one that is full of adventure, and GREAT success in the film industry.

My friends, and family are behind my back, but this means, I will be 19 hours away from my friends in Saskatchewan; however, closer to Los Angeles, than to Saskatoon.

Weird to think about that.

In the ending of March, my debt will be fully paid off. In which that means that I will be debt free, and in a different province living an almost normal life.

When I graduate from this school in 2011; I will be given a list of big name productions, (Dreamworks, Disney, Universal... etc etc), to start my acting career. I will be given 1 year to start everything up for me.

Just hopefully, I won't screw it up.

Well, that is all I really have to say. Be back later to write.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Work: Who Can you Trust?

Can you trust the people who run the store?
Can you trust the supervisor’s or management?
Can you trust your co-workers?
Can you trust yourself?
Can you trust that nobody will say anything about you?
Can you trust that people can listen to your complaints, and not make them into a big deal, and tell everyone making the problem seem bigger than it really is?

Did you know that more then half of people who work cannot trust the people who employ them?

Did you know that more then half of YOUR employee’s have a problem with either you, or others in the workplace?

The staff members at YOUR restaurant need a safe place to go, and a good CLIMATE! Do any of you know what Climate actually really is? Respect! Trust!

Most people get jobs for four important reasons:

1. To make money
2. Escape problems at home
3. Socialize/make friends

4. To gain work experience

Do you actually think you’ll run a good store, if someone is unhappy?

You probably didn’t!

That ONE person can change the way everybody feels.

When you look around, do you see happy people? Or do you see people with a thousand masks, masking their true emotions? Emotions, that they are afraid if they say something, then someone is going to say something? Or make the problem fall directly on them, when really; the problem is everyone.

I myself, is that person; putting a face on when I go to work, so everybody thinks that I am happy… however, am I? No. Not really. In fact, I can see right through everyone’s little “face”. In about 2-3 years, I am hoping to come out with a book `A Person with a Thousand Faces. We are like diamonds, you and I.

Who am I?

I am just an ordinary person, who studies human behaviour; and if you are not happy with yourself, then, are your employees?

To conclude this blog, I would like to say this:

"Change how you feel about yourself"

To run a good business, it all starts with the management/supervisors.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Technology: Is it consuming our lives?

Technology can be a wonderful boon to humankind, but sometimes we abuse it in ways that prevent us from really participating in life.
~Steven Shapiro

What is usually the first thing you do when you wake up? What is the last thing you usually do before you go to bed? This question is a good one.

Did you know that 89% of Canada's population spend 5-10 hours a day watching either television, or sitting around the computer? Why is this? Has our way of living actually started to become less and less interesting? That instead of living life to the fullest, we would rather watch celebrities play a role of a character that is similar to you, and doing the things you could be doing?

I know, I may seem really hypocritical, because if I wasn't with technology, I wouldn't be writing on this blog. I would be writing in a newspaper article. I am actually one of those 89% that after work, instead of calling up friends and doing something, I fall asleep watching television.

Why is it that as a society, we'd rather watch other people's lives be lived on TV or on the computer; then live our own day to day? With this type of percentage, this means that out of all of Canada, only 3.5 million people spend less than 5 hours in front of the television and/or the computer; and the rest of the 29 million of us (myself included) spend more than 5 hours watching other people live their lives.

I say yes that technology is consuming our lives, making it harder to participate in activities, getting to know other people, having our own memories; instead of television episode memories. Where ever you look, whatever house you pass in your car, whatever conversation you overhear...

Watch... Look... Listen...

You will see someone on the computer, or overhear conversations about what last episode they watched of their favourite TV show. So why can't we just put the remote down and pick up the phone to create our own memories? Because it is all right there, easy access to entertainment.

The television and computer helps bring us easy entertainment; gives us something to talk about, and passes time. Well, that is something we do not have much of... time.

We only live once, and don't you want to have you OWN memories? And be able to look back on your life when your old and say "Fuck yeah, I lived the best life I could have". Instead, the 29 million of us are going to say "Fuck yeah, that episode was great!"

So, get up from watching television, live your own life! Don't spend all your time watching TV, or playing on the computer... because someday you'll look back...

And wonder...

Where did all the time in your life go.